A Visual Diary...

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Watering the Soul

I was more creative than articulate growing up. I’ve always been ashamed of it then, not knowing how to express myself verbally to people. Which ultimately affected my early adulthood, it lowered my confidence, self-esteem; to avoid embarrassment I didn’t speak up. And it wasn’t because I was dumb; I was good in other subjects like math and science, I just didn’t know how to put words together. I struggled in reading comprehension, even up until community college. I didn’t understand words, I couldn’t comprehend sentences to try and figure out what I was reading. It was terrible. So you know how bad it was when I had an essay assignment.

My passion was art, and how I can make things beautiful, no matter what it was; painting, drama, theater, dancing, sewing, jewelry and clothing designing, photography or drawing. What ever it was, I was into it. I remember going to summer programs at schools and bypassing the athletic activities, and headed straight for the art room. Where they had everything a girl could dream of. I loved going
there so much that I use to purposely miss bible study; it’s what I loved and nothing or no one could take me away from my first love. They later stopped the program and my parents couldn’t afford putting me into any independent programs. Also, my parents were immigrants, they were more focused on me going to school so I can grow up and get a good job. That was my purpose, to them, here in America.

Of course I’ve gotten better at writing and reading because of practice. I learned later, I had to, or else how would I be able to graduate from college or even get a job; and I really didn’t learn anything until I started F.I.T and working in Manhattan. May I add I am being fully transparent when I tell you this, it’s the truth, and it’s who I was and currently still finding. I didn’t start learning to use words until I left home; and by leaving home I mean, working outside of my comfort zone. Hanging out with inspiring people, admiring how smart they were and wishing I were word savvy like them. They would suggest books to read, send me articles. It helped me with my confidence, and I’m grateful for those individuals, they helped steer me in the right direction.

I haven’t read in a while since having Sage. However, I do make sure she’s reading or I am reading to her. I don’t want her to suffer from the same insecurities; I want her to be confident in reading and knowing the answers. As well as taking a liking to art, whatever is it that she likes, which she already is. She loves music, dancing, drawing, and I will not stop her if loves it. I want her to make her own decisions when it comes to what she wants to do at any period in her life. I don’t want her to be that silent lamb I was, I want her to be that roaring lion, bulldozing through all her challenges.

Right now, I love photography; it's the only thing that makes me feel giddy. But is it what I am placed here on earth to do?

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